Red Cliff: Discussion by Chelle (finally)

I have to admit, the very first minute of the film had me worried. I already knew I'd love this film; it’s an historical piece, venerably directed, and brimming with some of my favorite actors. But this version is for Western release and rather than showing you a prologue written in Chinese character (like House of Flying Daggers does) they have included prologue narration in English. The English is good. The narration is bad. The minute that guy said General Cao Cao’s name, which sounded like “Chow-Chow” on his tongue, all three of us were rolling with laughter; I think I paused the film until it subsided. Thank the gods it was only a prologue and the rest of the film could continue uninterrupted.

Now I could go on and on about how much I love Takeshi Kaneshiro and Tony Leung (or how much Rob loves Chang Chen), but there is much more to this movie than my crushes. Upon reflection, I’m beginning to think this film might be more entertaining for a Western audience. Apparently the Battle of Red Cliff is a well known and beloved historical moment in Chinese history. The Chinese audience knows how the tale ends. We in the West, do not. And in that way, we can be pleasantly surprised when it turns out the allies’ separation and Zhou Yu’s wife’s going into Cao Cao’s camp are all part of a delightful ruse to throw off an extremely clever military thinker who just happens to have an extremely large army and navy.

We all know that John Woo is extremely good with Action flicks and this is a good talent to have when making a film that will be loaded (and I mean loaded) with battle scenes. Unlike Rob, I really don’t take note of camera work (except in the most extreme cases, like a Sam Raimi film), so the Wooness of the film wasn’t apparent to me at all. What I liked best was the character interaction. What really allows the allies to win is their ability to work together. Respect and admiration are rampant among them. Whereas in Cao Cao’s army hierarchy and fear run the show. What I didn’t like (or rather had hoped for and did not receive) was… (sigh) Takeshi. This does not mean that his performance was lacking in any way, or even that the character was unnecessary, but for all the wisdom that Zhuge Liang (TK’s character) possesses, he doesn’t do anything. He’s the catalyst that brings all the allies together, and the man with the master plan, but he never once participates in the battles. I was sad; there’s nothing better than a beautiful man with a beautiful sword in a beautiful field slashing his foes into tiny bits. The duet scenes between Takeshi and Tony almost make up for it. And if I can’t have Takeshi with a sword, at least I get to watch a wonderful scene with Tony Leung practicing his sword form while lovely Zhao Wei recites verse from the Art of War.

Told you I’d love it.

Haeckel's Tale: A Discussion by Chelle

FMSMMW? Wow, that’s long and looks a little silly; but not as silly as this movie. Like Rob said it starts out promising. A dark mysterious night, the promise of a chilling morality tale, romantic Shelley-like ambiance… and then yeah, it totally turned into dook. I haven’t read Clive’s story, but I’m absolutely positive this film doesn’t do it any justice. I think the film was just an excuse to get the actress naked and grind with zombies. She was exceedingly lovely to look at (perky-little- well-shaped breasts). It was the baby that sent me into hysterics. It was like the Dead Alive baby, only not nearly as cute and charismatic. The baby biting out Haeckle’s throat would have been a sufficiently dumb ending, but it had to drag out a little longer with zombies pawing lustily at an old lady while she attends her undead, ageless spawn and the chump she told her tale to runs screaming from the house. The only way the ending could have gotten more ridiculous would be if suddenly a giant cartoon head popped up, gulped the house down with unhinged jaws and then slowly sank out of frame while the Python’s end credits theme played. Yes Rob, it was exquisitely stupid.

Haeckel's Tale: A Preview

When I first leaned of the Master's of Horror series, I was beside myself with morbid childlike glee.  Imagine, a series of original 1 hour films by some of the best known directors in the genre.  I picked up Dario Argento's first entry in the series, Jenifer, at a pawn shop for $3. I soon found Argento's second entry, Pelts, and John Carpenter's Cigarette Burns for equally insane low prices. Then I began renting other episodes with much excitement.  My enthusiasm carried me through a good number of the films before it finally dawned on me that honestly, they aren't all that great.  Some are better than others, certainly, but some are pretty much dook.  The most recent one I watched was Haeckel's Tale, based on a Clive Barker story that I'd read in a horror anthology and thought was decent.  There wasn't much of a story, but Clive was in his usual stylistically-rich form.  I thought it could make a decent film if the story was beefed up a bit, and the film was made by John McNaughton, director of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (which I haven't seen and don't plan to, but its got a great reputation).

It gets off to a good start with a great creepy atmosphere that can make a horror movie for me.  However, as the film goes on, it gets, in a word, dumb.  By the end, I was laughing my ass off at this train wreck of a movie.  Which is to say that I frickin' loved it.  I knew immediately that it would have to be an entry in the FMSMMW blog.  Tonight, I started off in the mood for horror, but I was feeling a bit goofy at the same time.  Haeckel's Tale should fit the bill nicely.  I just hope Chelle finds it as exquisitely stupid as I did.

Red Cliff: Discussion by Rob

Having been married to Chelle for a number of years, I've seen my share of Asian battle epics.  Having been a film student, I've also seen my share of John Woo movies.  Red Cliff is both an exemplary battle epic and a fine John Woo film. However, it is at its best when you forget it's a John Woo movie.  In fact, the only thing I didn't like about Red Cliff is that every now and again, John Woo's head would pop up out of the lower right-hand corner of the screen, (you know, all MK2 "Toasty"-style) and announce, "Remember kids, you've watching a John Woo film."  Okay, not literally, but he threw in all these intrusive bits of camera work that achieved basically the same thing.  As a film-goer, I find that if I even notice the camera work, it's because the director made a poor choice, or the film is extremely boring.  And Red Cliff is certainly not boring.

Now that the negative out of the way, let me tell you what I liked.

A) The cast - I've got to hand it to Chelle, even though much of it is based on personal crushes, she does have good taste in Asian actors.
B) The battles - I'm not a huge fan of action films, and even here the extended battle scenes started to lose me near the end, but that's not a flaw in the movie, just in my attention span for that sort of thing.  What I liked about the battles scenes is that you could see the overall military strategy at work, not just the individual combatants slicing each other into itty bitty bits (although they did that too).  I know, being able to see the overall military strategy probably doesn't make you want to rush out and rent the movie. In fact it sounds much nerdier than I'd intended, but nonetheless it added a dimension to the battle scenes that you rarely see, and it was necessary to the overall story.
C) The story - The whole theme of the movie is that battles are won with the mind rather than with physical strength. Throughout the film, every decision that Jedi master Takeshi Kaneshiro makes is more clever and effective than the last one.  Chelle tells me that this story is a time-honored and well-known legend in China, and it's easy to see how the individual scenes would make great oral or prose stories.

The verdict: Chelle done good.