40-Year Old Virgin: A Preview

Rob: Judd Apatow has been catching a lot of flak lately, particularly from female cultural critics. The criticism isn't entirely unfounded. Even before Katherine Heigl publicly called Knocked Up, "a little bit sexist," I was saying the same thing at home. However, I personally don't mind a little sexism/racism/cultural insensitivty in a work of art as long as it has something honest to say about our culture, and I see a lot of honesty in Judd Apatow's movies.  That is, I see people I know reflected in the characters and the way they interact.  The whole "you know how I know you're gay?" schtick is entirely innappropriate and exactly what many of my friends sound like in private conversations. Lest you think I hang out with a bunch of gay-bashing homophobes, let me add the disclaimer that all of my friends are big supporters of gay rights. And yet, no gender, race, nor sexual orientation is spared when we get to flinging insults.  That is the great contradiction of my generation. For the most part, we're pretty open-minded and accepting, but you'd never know it to hear us joking. That is the honesty I see reflected in Apatow's movies.  As for the sexism, yes it's there, just as it's there to varying degrees in every man I've ever met.  Many women I know are sexist as well, and not against men.  My wife has often pointed out the degree to which women actually hate other women.  Once you start noticing it, it's staggering.  The point I'm getting at is that we're all flawed.  We're all sexist and racist and closed-minded to some group or other, and there's no escaping it.  It is a noble and valiant thing to try to root out these attitudes in ourselves and suppress them where we can, but I doubt anyone can entirely purge all their prejudices.  It is part and parcel to being human, and I'd rather see it reflected in art than suppressed for the sake of being inoffensive. If it doesn't offend somebody, it probably isn't art.

Other critics have pointed out the man-child protagonists that Apatow examines in his films. They contend that we should not be celebrating this growing tendency of modern American men to put off growing up for as long as possible. Again, I think it is the artist's job to deal in honesty, and I'd rather watch a film with flawed characters that resemble the reality I know.  Can you imagine a film where all the male characters are fully mature with no prejudices?  What kind of character arc would you have?  With a film like 40-Year Old Virgin, your protagonist has a lot of room to grow, and that's what the story is really about, learning to leave behind childish things. Steve Carell's character (Andy) has never had a meaningful relationship with a woman, which has allowed him to retain his childish habits unquestioned.  One could argue that this is sexist because it implies that women are the killjoys who force men to abandon the things that they love. But I don't think that's the message the film is conveying.  Apatow is saying that yes, it is often the influence of women that pushes boys into becoming men, but he's not portraying it as a bad thing--he's saying that we need to grow into men, and that we should be thankful to women for the push they give us, painful as it can be. Teachers are always saying that girls mature faster than boys, and I think that extends well beyond grade school. I think most men have trouble giving up their childhood, which is why Judd Apatow's movies are culturally important. He's the one guy out there really exploring this common struggle.  And yes, he does celebrate males stalled halfway to manhood, which is why so many guys relate, but he also forces men to reflect on their own lives. The 40-Year Old Virgin can be a hell of an uncomfortable viewing experience for those who see a little too much of themselves in Andy. And short of a woman's influence, this might be the most potent message to a man-child that he needs to grow up.

As for why I wanted my wife to watch this movie...  When I first rented it, she was busy in another room, and not too interested.  But she could hear me in the living room laughing my bloody arse off, and was intrigued.  It has taken 2 years, but I finally picked up a $2 copy at a pawn shop and will force it upon her.  Mostly, I want her to see it because it's funny as hell, but I'd like to hear her take on the issues I've raised above as well.  And may I just say, whatever you think about the social issues, it's hard to deny that Steve Carell's comic timing is sheer unadulterated genius.